Sunday, 9 February 2014

Becoming Friends with your Self Confidence

If there's one thing I've realised about myself recently, it's that my self confidence and I are beginning to become friends again. We've been squabbling at each other for the longest time. If I took a photo I'd think, "Ugh," and Photoshop myself silly and still be unsatisfied with the girl I've been portraying myself as or delete it. I can't count on two hands the amount of times I've sat in front of a mirror nitpicking at myself or nitpicking at my photos and thinking, "Why can't I be beautiful?"

I know what you're thinking.

Become more positive!

No, you're cute!

If you think like that then you won't have any friends!

But the reality is it can be hard to accept yourself. If one person puts you down it's like poison straight to how you perceive yourself and you begin to notice flaws about yourself that probably don't exist. I wonder why we're all mean about each other, huh? There's always comments like, "your make-up isn't good enough," or, "you're too fat to do this," and at the end of the day that's really harsh. There's only so much that beauty products can help and it's no wonder that nowadays you hear about poor girls suffering from all sorts of disorders.

Even back in 2011 I was wondering if I was too fat after seeing these girls back in Ageha at the time. Those kinds of girls are unfortunately still pushed as what is beautiful.

Anyway, back to the point.

For the first time in 21 years I have been able to look at myself and call myself beautiful. It's kinda funny actually. It took wigs, circle lens, false eyelashes, more make-up than I'd ever like to admit I was wearing and a filter for me to realise I was not as bad as my mind was mentally telling me I was.

I did a cosplay make-up test for Luka Megurine from Vocaloid yesterday and after I applied the filter I was so caught off guard at how nice I looked I actually started to cry!

I just looked really pretty and I was super happy. But then even the poisonous thoughts have come back to me saying, "you're not that pretty without that filter or angles," and, "you look cross eyed because of your contacts." Even so I'm pushing those thoughts away. I think if you think positive, beautiful thoughts you will become a positive, beautiful person.

Am I right? I hope so!

So lets not have any more faces like the one below:

Let's make 2014 the year of positivity and learning to become friends with your self confidence!

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